Protocol for preparing Tulasi/ Basil chicken tikka.
Are you home alone!! And want to host your friends at your palace. This recipe will be the winner.
1) Get up in the morning with some positive energy, keeping in mind you are home alone. You need to feel good on this particular day. It’s going to be a long and exhausting day.
2) Go to a supermarket nowhere near your home (at least 6 to 7 miles away) either a walk or a bicycle ride. It will help you to get warmed up – testosterone levels will go up and you will be in a good mood to prepare the item.
3) Going on your own, you have the freedom to enjoy the beautiful girls in the supermarket, which could further lighten up your mood.
4) Avoid use of ecstasy and cannabis on the day. They could make you hyper-exited and you need to stay cool and calm on this day.
Preparation time: 10 minutes
Cooking time: 30 minutes
Chicken pieces with bone/boneless: 300 gm, cut into cubes.
Sodium Chloride (NaCl) you can find this in the supermarket with the same name as salt. (To taste)
Tulasi/ Basil leaves: 10 /15
Kashmiri chilli powder: 1 1/2 tsp.
Garam masala: 1 tsp.
Turmeric powder: 1/2 tsp.
Chat masala: 1 tsp.
Tandoori masala: 1 tsp.
Ginger garlic paste: 1 tsp,
Ajwain seeds: a pinch.
Kasuri methi leaves: 1 tsp.
Lime juice: Juice of half lime.
Plain yogurt: 1/4 cup
Optional red food colour
- To assemble:
Capsicum: 1, cut into cubes.
Tomato: 2-3, cut into cubes.
Onion: 2, cut into large cubes and separated.
- A bottle of wine if you are a girl (at least 17 to 21% alcohol content) and if you are a boy, a bottle of Bacardi or Stella beer (we call it wife beater, trust me – it does the job very well!!)
Music – CD preferably a Bollywood music, were you get the perfect harmony with the Indian food.
Passing the treacherous path:
1) Play music – Bollywood for a better result. Take a deep breath. Drink plenty of water to keep yourself dehydrated. You might be cursing me now. Keep calm and still it’s going to be a long day for you.
2) Add all the accessories to the chicken.
3) Mix all well, and allow the marinated chicken to stay in fridge for up to 2 hours….if you are really in a hurry, then 1 hour at least is needed. Cube the tomatoes, capsicum, and onion and keep aside.
4) You could take a break now. Make sure nobody comes home in between. Don’t answer any phone calls, especially if it’s girl friend or wife. If any strange girl knocks your door ask her for a company and let her in.
(NB: The day my sweet heart reads this post I can get ready my tent in the front garden.)
Now for girls you can start with your wine. And boys start your Bacardi with some hot red chillies and lemon slice. Take “Neat” shots. Strictly no coca cola or ice. This will help you to get a creative mood. If you are a smoker, smoke one now – nicotine will be released in your blood and it will inhibit the re – uptake of dopamine in the brain. As a result the dopamine levels will go up and your mood will be elevated further.
4) Now cook the chicken in the oven for 20 minutes at 180 degree C. Or you can grill it on a griddle or shallow fry. When the chicken is nearly done, add tomato, capsicum, onion and cook for further 6 to 7 minutes. Tulasi chicken tikka is ready!!
5) If your oven is broken, I would personally recommend Tefal Actifry, it’s a good alternative for a portable tandoori oven. Bang on all the accessories for 20 minutes in Tefal actifry, with 2 table spoons of cooking oil. Once the chicken tikka is nearly done add tomato capsicum, onion and cook for further 5 minutes. Tikka is ready to serve with few lemon wedges.
NB: This is the protocol that I normally follow. Deviation from the protocol might result in devastating outcomes ranging from abuse or physical violence from Wife/husband or girlfriend/ boyfriend. If you like this Tulasi chicken tikka do acknowledge me. If not blame yourself!! I would blame you… you was over drunk. These all are the secrets of my happiness. Enjoy your Tulasi chicken tikka …